By Nneka Jedidiah Ogbaga
In most Nigerian homes and Africa at large, the word "MASTURBATION", like other words about sexual relations and activities, is treated like a dirty secret something not to be mentioned by the children or taught to children by an adult, let alone explained.
The result? A generation filled with crucial unanswered questions, misinformation, guilt, addiction, mentally derailed and ill-cultured youths.
No doubt, masturbation is seen from different perspectives culture and religious morals, science and medicine. While science explains it as a natural and normal part of healthy sexual development and behaviour that should be carried in moderation, culture and religion condemn it outrightly, stating its devastating spiritual effects on believers.
Here's a fact that our parents and elders do ignore: the actual danger here is not in the act, but in the grave silence surrounding the act. Young people are left confused generations abound without one to take their hands or show them which way to follow. Some are battling with addiction secretly while some are trapped in overwhelming guilt with the belief that they are spiritually doomed. Others think that being entrapped in such means having bonds with the devil.
And because no one speaks to them with clarity, and if they ask, they'll be looked upon as deviants and a spoiled child by their parents and society, they turn to their peers and the Internet for answers to their long-held questions and find pornography instead. I read some two weeks ago about a 17-year-old girl who's been addicted to masturbation since she was 14.
No average Nigerian teenager is properly tutored about their body or sexuality from home, school or church. Parents who care so much tell their teenagers not to look at the opposite gender. Clerics who are concerned teach that wankers or masturbators are married in the spiritual world and that hellfire awaits them. Just like that! They are left to wonder and learn about their bodies and sexuality themselves. And in the course of their experiments, trial and error to find them myths abound, guilt fester, and mental health is endangered.
Understand me, right? This is not a call for the normalisation of masturbation but for proper guidance by the home, Church and society. It is a call for balanced communication one that addresses the physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual facts about masturbation.
"Masturbation" is not a dirty secret; it's a pleasurable act to be enjoyed when due in marriage. It is a secret because parents and guardians refuse to teach their teenagers the right course to take.
We must not continue to leave this conversation to just whispers and warnings. Parents must learn how to discuss masturbation and other sexually related topics openly and comfortably with their children. Clerics must learn not just to offer condemnation to reach teenagers’ hearts. Schools must adopt factual and value-based sex education in their curriculum.
Let us all work together to replace shame with truth. Let us guide with love and care not guilt. Let us explain, not embarrass. A heart-soothing, healthy conversation might be all that a young person suffering out there in silence needs to get healed.
Let us buckle up, as continual avoidance of talking about masturbation and other sexually related topics only makes the next generation prone to doom. And silence, no matter how convenient and cultural it may seem, will not protect them. Now is the time to throw away all pretences they can't wank, they're still children. Masturbation is really happening. The least we can do is talk about it honestly, responsibly and with wisdom.
Ogbaga Nneka Jedidiah Wi wrote from Alex Ekwueme Federal University, Ebonyi State, is a student journalist, spoken word artist and motivational speaker.
